When life throws you lemons.....
How does that saying go? When life throws you lemons, make lemonade. I say when life throws you fashion...create STYLE!!!
So what has truly inspired me to pursue this fashion journey? Apart of me has become very tired. No! As a matter of fact let me rephrase that ... I have become SICK and TIRED of allowing myself to be comfortable. Comfortable in a space that I don't enjoy causing me to have feelings of inadequacy. Comfortable in a space where I am unable to thrive and reach my full potential. Comfortable in a space where I have lost my "mojo". There have been days where I've wandered aimlessly trying to figure what route I could pursue next. What other job can I apply for that will fulfill me? What other opportunity can I seek to gain momentum and access in the corporate word? All along the answer has been right before me. The only place where I absolutely and truly feel I can be myself is in the fashion industry. When I used to model, I basked in the moments I got to grace runways and pose in front of a camera. When I got dressed for special occasions and events. I often received tons of feedback from my peers and sometimes strangers too! I felt good knowing I "served" for the evening (contact me for the definition) . I FELT LIKE MYSELF. I knew that this is where I belonged and I knew because those feelings of incompleteness would dissipate. Even if only for a moment or a night.
I made several attempts to secure a job that would allow me to live comfortable. I was employed at a substance abuse treatment center. That wasn't enough. ::rolls eyes:: Decided to take a real estate class and I set in that class everyday for months on end, realizing every day that I would much rather be elsewhere. Took the real estate test anyway. Real estate wasn't for me so that too fell by the waist side. Then I decided, I'll go to medical school to be a physician assistant; One of those AH HA moments. I was putting too much energy into things that aren't for me with too little drive behind the cause . I had reached a place in my life where I was emotionally drained on a consistent basis. I felt tired, heavy, weighed down, purposeless, and unfulfilled. Almost near a state of depression, or one would think. As far back as I can remember I was drawing stick figures with cloths I wanted to dress myself and friends with. I would hand sew polka dot prints onto the back of my hoodies and hand sew prints onto my pants. Nobody forced me do it. I wanted to do it. I felt complete. Whenever someone would ask me what my dream job was, my answer was always related to fashion. Whether that be a stylist or a fashion designer.
This past weekend I had the opportunity to shoot with an amazing photographer who was able to capture the very essence of who I am and what I represent. Those photos were able to embody who and what I want to represent without compromising myself in anyway. As you're reading this post be sure to take a look under the "Vintage Couture" tab to check out the astounding looks I was able to create and the result of the photo shoot. My style can be labeled as "one of a kind". People often times approach me about different looks I wear on a daily basis. Wondering where I got my shoes from or maybe inquiring about my shirt or jeans. My peers and associates often wonder how I came up with the idea of the chosen outfit for the day. There is never a real explanation. See I believe that people have different gifts, and God felt me worthy enough to have an eye for style and fashion. For far too long, I have buried this gift. Tucked away, thrown out the key. As often as people would approach me you would think that I would take heed. Instead, I continued to ignore my wants and desires. I was comfortable and I was afraid. I was afraid of failure. But come onnnnn, cut me some slack. I am only human and I am entitled to feel the way that I want. But so long as you don't allow yourself to stay in such a dark space, you're granted the time and space you need to regroup. Eventually you have to pull your boots straps up and put your big girl pants on. I set my dreams aside because I wasn't mature enough to believe in myself. I also think that family plays a major role in encouraging you to succeed and follow your dreams. I lacked that support system from my friends and family initially. I have a tattoo on my back of two quotes in arabic. One of those quotes translates to "we learn little from our successes, but a lot from our failures". If you don't fall, how can you rise up? I can admit I was too concerned with that "what if factor". What if I fail?! ... BUT, Oh what if i succeed?
I have come to find that my niche is fashion. Fashion is for me. FASHION IS ME. I DON'T belong anywhere else but pursuing a career within the fashion industry. The ideas just come to me, left and right. There are sooooooo many avenues I want to pursue and I WILL! I just need for my followers to support me on this journey while I support you on your journey. Lift one another up in areas which are our strong suits.
I am a firm believer that the universe allows things to happen in the manner and order they are supposed to occur. I wasn't ready then... I am ready now!! I am mentally prepared for the trials, tribulations and obstacles that will take place. I know their will be many experiences which will be apart of the process and essential for my growth. The creator has a timing for everything. I had not reach my full potential and was ill prepared for the journey and now God is ready for me to enter into this phase in my life. I am much more prepared. God will continue to bother you and make you uncomfortable until you seek your purpose. I was so busy trying to pursue guaranteed jobs. I went to Bowie State University for four years and got a Bachelors of science in psychology. Most would say that was a waste of time but I spent some of the best years of my life in undergrad. Something had to change though, I had to make a difference. I'm not always the most religious person or the most obedient. I would consider myself much more spiritual than religious. But, I started to pray and I asked God to lead me in the right direction. Guide me in which the ways I should go, and he has lead me here. Here to share my thoughts, and visions with you so you too can be inspired. One day I woke up with an epiphany. Why don't I stop spending all this money. and wasting all this time pursuing dreams that aren't for me. I decided a couple of months ago that I no longer was going to feel defeated.
Fashion is my passion, always has been and always will be. By any means necessary, I will pursue what has been placed in my heart. No longer considering the risk but grasping the "win" that I know will be granted to me. Life lessons.... I had to go thru the struggles to get to the place I am now. Just so I can enjoy the victory that much more. It'll taste like sweet nectar on my tongue. I know it's coming and I can't wait. I have let those dreams sit idle for too long. As I said before.. I am ready. Ready to show the world what I have to offer. What gifts I have been blessed with. I want to inspire people just as so many have inspired me. I would love for you to join me on this journey as I matriculate into the best me I can be. Follow me on this journey as I embark on new endeavors in this realm of fashion. I want to grasp a hold of every avenue I can seek and take advantage. The photo shoot I participated in, sparked a fire in me I have not felt in a long time. I will continue to ignite that fire until it is burned out. (I don't anticipate that happening any time soon.)
Got to start somewhere... Right? Until next time... Jai